Painful

After leaving Connecticut, I felt a sense of complete relief. No stepson to disrespect and

barely acknowledge me. No entitled adult to disrespect his father. All those stressful painful feelings came flooding back. I told my husband about a Facebook post that his son made about not wanting to a bad father like he feels my husband was. Broken families are complicated and his son’s mother was very angry after their divorce and passed that anger to her sons. Long story short , Jr has hated any woman his dad was with and I feel there was never a chance for me. He is now blaming me for alienating his dad and calling me a liar for things that were said and done. The irony of it all is that I wanted to mend the relationship problem between father and son before my time. I am sure that other family members have spread lies and discontent.  All I can say is there are many of my husband’s family that will never have to worry about me again. And if any of you read this and see yourself, just know that you need to ask yourself why so many people that JW has touched are now liars, evil or plain bad. Why is she the only truthful one? To my husband’s son, know this. I love my husband with all my heart and you hated me from day one. You took things that did not belong to you , broke our stuff and just plain disrespected our home. You enjoyed our generosity and then kicked us in the teeth. You are angry that I didn’t send a card for your wedding or baby? How many of my birthdays did you acknowledge? Your father sent his congratulations and did what he could do. I owe you nothing. You got 5 grand for your wedding . Guess that wasn’t enough. No matter what your mother says , your dad paid his support and tried to be there when he could . Your mother hated me and hated any other woman in your dad’s life. I am not what your cousin and mother say I am and I tried to be a good friend to you. After enough disrespect from you , I just couldn’t anymore. Your dad was not the perfect father but you are not the perfect son. As your own son grows, you will find out how heartbreaking being a parent can be. You and your family were  rude and dismissive of me at every opportunity. Be honest with yourself, were the so called lies really that far from the truth? You are angry and condescending to many people in this world. Nobody is good enough for you except for your sainted mother and your wife. Put yourself in my shoes and think of how you would feel if you were treated the way you treated me. You want to see me as the home wrecker who kept your parents apart. I read their divorce papers and what many others have told me, your parents were poison together. By the time I came along, it was long over. I spoke with your mother’s child support case worker and HE told me how angry and spiteful your mother was. So before you call me evil and a liar again, think about how many people have the same opinion of you and your mother that I do . It’s a lot more than you think. Finally, I wish upon you exactly the same kind of son that you were. I hope you get a taste of your own medicine and I hope your cousin sees this because I wish the same for her.

With that said , I wash my hands of that soul sucking tribe. 

How the world changes

It's January, 2017 and our world is massively changed again. Bruce and his son began speaking again in mid 2015 but nothing changed. Jr still treated his dad disrespectfully. This man-child seems to think he can be horrible and rude to the rest of us and we should all take it. 2015 ended with the brat stealing more tools and refusing to bring back his dad's welder that Jr "loaned" to a friend.

The welder finally came home but it was after several reminders and it of course came back broken and missing parts. $200 and it is fixed but relations are strained again. Bruce's sister in New Jersey chose to be friends with the evil ex wife instead of us. Christmas 2015 was not fun with Jr and his horrible excuse for a fiancee choosing to announce that while we would be getting nothing for Christmas, they expected a gift. The ex had just funded a down payment for a new house for them and they "couldn't afford it." The ex of course, got gifts along with her new boyfriend. Jr spent "can't afford it" money on himself and another racecar he won't finish. I found the gifts we gave him in our trash but of course the gift cards were taken.

Meanwhile stepdaughter Tia and husband Eric with grandson Wyatt came to visit in October.

January arrived and Bruce and I looked at each other and said "What are we staying here in Connecticut for?" Jr barely acknowledges our existence and the evil ex does everything to alienate Bruce's family from him. Its ridiculously expensive and I HATE SNOW.

An easy decision was reached, we were moving to Atlanta to be near Tia. February 2016, I flew to Atlanta and started looking for a rental. After a crazy move, selling the CT house and closing and moving to our new home, here we are in Canton, Ga forever.

We chose not to attend Jr's October 2016 wedding but did contribute financially. One month later, after the disastrous election of Donald Trumpkin, Jr insulted his father on Facebook, saying he hated the name they share and that his father was a moron and an idiot for not supporting the orange idiot. Told his father publicly to be careful what he said because Jr's friends were so much smarter than Bruce.

That did it. Bruce and I both blocked Jr and his entire jerk family. Bruce sent Jr a message as well as the idiot ex, don't ever call me or even think of me again. The ex responded with some petty outrage over a gift card we sent that had a problem. That secured the break and this time, I think it's for good.

In late November, Bruce was told he is being laid off. Ok, another massive upheaval in our life. I went back to work for Target doing pricing and planogram part time. His last day is February 17. We will be okay but will have to dial back some plans and watch our pennies more. I hope Bruce will find another job but with his age and health, I am not very optimistic.

So here we are facing early retirement. Am I really that old? Yes unfortunately. I choose to look at this as an opportunity to grow and change. Isn't that what life is about?

I guess I use this forum now about documenting our life as senior citizens.

Family Bonds Broken

January 2014, family being family we have had several fights which end with this one not talking to that one. Several of the the younger members feel that they should automatically get whatever they want no matter what. They feel they can be be rude and disrespectful and because we should be desperate for their company, we will grovel and throw money at them. I simply do not want poison in my life so I am glad they aren't speaking to us much. My husband feels we should be " the bigger people" and I agree until that produces more disrespect in the form of threats to my sister in law from my nephew and the "borrowing" of my husband's things by his son without asking.

I am glad that my husband has changed his approach to his son in light of the property removal. I am diplomatic in not calling it theft, but Junior is notorious for taking people's things and simply not returning them. I think in his mind he feels entitled and there lies the problem. He has been raised to  feel entitled and superior when he definitely is not. His politics are close to White Supremest in nature and that scares me. He hates the "left" which is a lot of people considering how far right he is. Maybe age and wisdom will prevail but because everyone around him chooses to blow smoke up his ass about how wonderful he is, I doubt much change will come.

Narcissism seems to run rampant in today's young adults. They truly believe they are so far superior to the rest of the world. We felt we were invincible as kids but I don't think we had the same level of me me me that this current generation seems to have. They as a group have very limited empathy for anyone else, look down their noses at those less fortunate and have a strong streak of racist, sexist thinking. I feel like we have stepped back to the 50's with an iPhone. The prevailing thought is "my right are more important than yours."

I am happy that my husband is walling himself off emotionally from his family members that are so hateful, and I choose to use this forum to vent rather than fight every day with him about it. The theft was the last straw for him and I see the pain in his eyes. He wanted to bond with his son after so many years apart but for his son, it is far more important to know it all rather than learn from his dad.. Junior's insecurities lead him down a path of bravado, bullying and hypocracy about most issues.  Sad just sad.....

Here I am 2 years later

I started this blog 2 years ago and then came the day my world changed. My husband's son Jesse was killed in 2009 and nothing has been the same since. So long story short, we moved to New Milford, Connecticut to be closer to Bruce's older son and near his family. So the 50 year old with no kids of her own is now 53 and has 2 stepkids to worry about. Of course they are grown adults but you always worry. I try not to be their mom; they have those. I try to be their friend. I hope that one day we will have a grandkid close. The older step daughter had a baby but they live in Atlanta and you just don't form a bond that way.

So now I will use this forum to explore my retired life--still filled with family, friends and pets!!

Change in Strategy

I am changing the theme of my blog to having an "ordinary life" in today's world. Gives me more room to discuss life in your 50's and what that means. I can then talk about our debt reduction plans, travel and just simply living in the world today. Of course my focus is a home without kids and how different your life is from those that have children around.

Kiva

On GMA this morning, I heard a story about Kiva, a small company that links people with organizations that loan money. The borrowers are small business owners all over the world that are too small or cannot get conventional credit. You can loan as little as $25 and it will pool into a fund that will loan the amount of money needed. I just loaned $50 to Luisa who is a pet supply business owner with her family in San Jose, Ca. She is asking for $5500 to buy the aquarium supply inventory of another business that went bankrupt.

I was impressed with this company because on Kiva, you can see exactly who you are helping and while I should get paid back, I don't care if I do because I hope this helps someone who is just trying to make it in this tough economy. I picked Luisa because she is from my hometown area and I have actually purchased from her business in the past.

It is another advantage of not having kids; you have plenty of money to help others in meaningful ways.

Generics

I remember a shopping trip with my husband when we were first together in my snooty single days. I did not think much about how much I spent and things had to have a "brand" name to be worthwhile. We were in the canned vegetable aisle and Bruce reached for the store brand tomatoes. I said "we don't do generics!" Now as the economy has crashed down around all of our ears, I find myself looking at any way to save money. Generics will do (in most cases) just fine! (Bruce is laughing at me right now and remembering what a brand snob I was)
Look in your pantry and you will find mostly brands you learned to love as a kid. French's mustard, McCormick spices, Heinz ketchup, Hunt's tomatoes, and Campbell soup are of few of our favorites. Hot dogs are Ball Park, butter is Land o' Lakes, mayo is Hellman's. Now I stand in the grocery aisles and wonder whether mustard from Jewel will taste just as good. There are certain foods I won't give up for taste. We aren't that hard up yet! But, still, what difference does it make in spaghetti sauce if the tomatoes are Hunt's or generic. Garlic powder is garlic powder whether Costco or McCormick.
My new project is to save money for our little tribe is to record how much I save buying generics and put that amount in our vacation savings account. How sweet it will be to go on vacation, pay cash and not remember that the sugar came from Jewel and not Domino's!

Debt Diet

I have off for awhile because we have been very busy with work but also with my latest obsession-the economy and reducing our debt. I am news junkie anyway but I don't know too many people that enjoy watching the Fed Chairman testify at a hearing looking for any sign of economic recovery!

We have been on a debt diet made easier by the changes that this economy has brought on. I wrote in an earlier post about magazines being too family oriented and the positive outcome of that was that I could easily dump subscriptions to save money. We dumped the Chicago Tribune because it had gotten so thin it was hardly worth the effort. You can read it online for free! I found that we were not using our cell phone minutes so I could reduce our cell phone plan. With gas prices down and airfares up , we are going to drive on vacation this year. All of these things are made quite easier with no kids. The dogs will cost a fortune to board but our long term goal is now to move back to Atlanta and buy an RV so the dogs will travel with us.

I just bought a vacuum sealer so I could take the ridiculous huge meat portions from Costco and freeze them. I have been making my own spaghetti sauce and planted tomatoes and strawberries for fresh stuff this summer. I have also adopted a concept called "snow flaking" when comes to our debt. We sold our boat and I received a small inheritance this year so we were able to reduce lots of debt this year. With snow flaking, you pay any extra funds you receive to your debt each week. I refund alot, apply for class action money and coupon like crazy and I snowflake all that money into our debt. My goal is to retire by 7/11/11 on my 5th anniversary with PetSmart. I will be fully vested in my 401K and hope that I can talk the Hubby into it!!

Our debt diet is all made easier without children at home. No college, no weddings, no gifts to buy. Some of the hurdles with society being children oriented are working in our favor during this tough economic time!

Bulk Packaging

I went to the grocery store with dear old husband this weekend and it occurred to me that grocery sizes and pricing is for big families not small families like mine. Go to Costco and try to buy a package of meat! Everything would feed an army! I like ribs too but buying those huge sizes and freezing what we don't use would force us to eat ribs for a week to save money.

I want these food companies to invent packaging that saves me just as much but doesn't force me to buy so much that I have to waste it because it goes bad or makes me eat the same thing for a month! I don't need to buy 10 of anything to have on hand but most of the grocery store deals force me to do just that.

My dear husband likes a full pantry but it makes me hyperventilate to have to buy such large sizes or so many packages to save money. I coupon and refund like a fiend and watch the sale ads to save but still, must I have a year's worth of mac n cheese on hand because that is the only way to save?

Make things in smaller sizes that cost the same as bulk I cry!!!

The "kids"

Want to see pictures of my kids? No? Too bad here they are......Sophie(tri color) and Dixie(red and white) the beagles and the Tuxedo cats, Tommy and Sabrina.